True (and long) Story

Today I took a walk to the library that's just down the street from us. It was a balmy 78* (or so the car thermometer said) and I enjoyed the 10 minute walk in the sun to get there. The photo to the left is the actual library, by the way.

I walked in to this huge, intimidating library and found the section I needed (children's) right away. Excellent. Now I need to find a book about policemen with no titles or authors in mind. Hmm, should be fun. I start perusing the endless aisles, and about 5 minutes later I happen to grab a book and poof! It's a policemen book. Looks great. Let's get a library card, checkout, and go.

I walk thru the makeshift single-line corral and wonder what will happen if the booth for "returns" opens up before "checkout." Do I go there even though I have nothing to return? I feel myself breaking out into a cold sweat. Don't worry about it yet, I think to myself. We'll cross the bridge when we get there.

Just as I thought, the "return" section opened up next. Great. "Can I help you?" a small blond woman said from behind the counter. I sure hope so!

Ok so here is the narration of how the conversation actually went. No joke, no exaggeration -- TRUE STORY. (FYI - the librarian will now be known as the Russian Library Nazi...or RLN)

Me: Hi, I just need to check this book out and get a library card.
RLN: *blank stare*
Me: Can I do that here?
RLN: Yez. (remember, she's Russian.)
Me: Ok... well, I need to do that.
RLN: I need your driverz lizenze and your address in print on an offeeshal dokooment. (are you getting the accent here?)
Me: Thinking to myself: glad I brought that piece of mail with me. Bummer I didn't have any mail in my name today, bt I'm sure this will do. Chris is my husband afterall. Alrighty, here's my license and I have this mail.
RLN: Zank you. Vould you like a wallet card or one for your keychain? (I chose keychain.) Just fill this form out.

I start filling it out -- all the standard questions -- name, address, email, etc. About 30 seconds later...

RLN: We haff a pwoblem. Zees is not your name. (on the mail)
Me: Yeah, I know. That's my husband. I didn't have any mail with my name on it today. I figured it'd be fine since he's my husband.
RLN: No no no. Eet has to be youuuuur name. Eet cannot be anyone elses. *Calls over someone else because apparently she thought that I thought she was lying....?
Other Russian Nazi: No no no. Eet has to be your name. Ve get peenalized vhen ve geev cards away without an offeeshal dokooment. (Apparently driver's licenses are not offeeeshal anymore)
Me: Ok, well you realize I live with my husband, right? I mean I get that you have rules but I do live at this address. Who knew you had to go armed with your lease when attempting to join a free and PUBLIC library?
Other Russian Nazi: Eef your husband had a card here, you could not even check out a book wiz heez card. We have very streekt rules at zee library. I can see that, thank you Captain Obvious.

(Thinking to myself: and this is a fricken library. I'm not trying to sneak onto a Military base or into a prison to bust someone out or anything! Plus, "Library privileges are extended to those who live in the following counties or cities: Arlington, District of Columbia, Fairfax, Falls Church, Fauquier, Frederick, Loudoun, Prince George's, Prince William and Montgomery." <-- That's right, taken straight from the horse's mouth. And pretty sure my DRIVERS LICENSE says ARLINGTON. So, why make a federal case out of it? Beats me.

So, I left. No policeman book in tow and completely beaten down by 2 Russian Librarian Nazis.

Happy Friday!